This extra sunlight is good for my soul.

I am in love! It hit me like a ton of bricks this weekend.  Remember what it felt like when you first fell in love? Every song on the radio was YOUR song. The littlest thing put a wide smile on your face. You bounced a little as you walked and the small stuff? No sweat! I love a love story. This whole Taylor Swift/Travis Kelce matchup has me rooting for a live proposal at the SuperBowl. I wept through The Golden Bachelor (and yes, I applied for the next season.) Give me a sappy Hallmark movie, and I puddle. But these years since Mark's transition have been an exercise in learning to be alone with myself. Truth be told, I kicked and screamed and worked every angle to fast forward through this chapter. Bumble, Hinge, J-Date, The League, and even Tinder can attest to my razor sharp focus on getting to what I thought would be the good part; my "happily ever after." Nope. Met some nice people. Some creeps. And then...crickets. Sigh. Perhaps I waved a spiritual white flag without realizing it. It wasn't like I decided to surrender. I just got busy doing stuff that made me happy. Going to the gym everyday. Wildly dancing with new friends. Being alcohol-free and still slaying on karaoke night. Petting puppy dogs and talking to random babies. Interviewing beautiful souls for my podcast . Savoring a sauna and clean sheets on the bed. Instead of waiting for someone to ask me, I took myself on dates. Like this weekend! Th I chose the scenic route on my way home from a jaunt to LA to see Chaka Khan in concert (and yes, I belted "I'm Every Woman" as if I were the performer). Around a bend, this greeted me:

It's a time for resolutions, not regrets.

You might think, "Of course, Brenda. Most people celebrating Christmas get a tree!" And you would be correct. But for me, there was no tree in 2021. Or 2022. Now 2020? THAT was a completely different story. Santa himself would have loved the three fully decorated trees that adorned the house Mark and I shared. He would strategically position Rudolph, Clarisse, The Abominable Snowman, Hermie ("I want to be a dentist"), and Yukon Cornelius in our living room. He'd graciously suffer through endless Hallmark Channel Christmas movies, and our kitchen smelled like butter and cinnamon for at least a month.

"What is the meaning of all this?" I cried out, for the first time in a while wondering if Anyone was listening.

When we think of treasures in life, certainly family, friends, and health top the list. But lately? Clarity is queen. 

This time last year I had a completely different life. I lived in Sarasota, Florida with my little Sheltie, Shasta. Beloved friends were temporary roommates, midwifing my healing from a series of great losses. My days (and many nights) were spent glued to the computer for my full-time job as VP of Marketing for a medical device company. "They" always say not to make big decisions in the first year after the death of a partner, so I waited. The passage of time only underscored my need for a new environment. After spending a month test driving San Diego (and falling in love with it), my heart swelled with hope for a fresh start. Little did I know that my desire to move would trigger a personal and professional tsunami. I discovered that I couldn't keep my position and live in California. My body literally shook. I sobbed almost as profoundly as when I learned of Mark's death. Making a leap from employee to entrepreneur seemed outrageous; even irresponsible! Yet those who knew me best were well aware that my true dream was to write and speak full-time. My dream knocked at the door of my fears, as dreams often do. Realizing that life was happening for me and not to me dislodged me from disappointment. Maybe, just maybe, not keeping my job was a good thing. Maybe I should give myself permission to go all in on ME. Vici Communications LLC was born, deriving its name from a favorite spot in Little Italy (San Diego) that translates to "I conquered" in Latin. To this day, it gives me goosebumps to say, "My life's purpose is no longer a side hustle." There are, of course, moments of "What the @#$% have I done ?" But they are far outnumbered by the times I feel such fulfillment doing what I was born to do. This one change had a domino effect. Yes, I now live in La Jolla. But my geography wasn't the only thing that had to change. Because wherever you go, you take yourself with you. - Neil Gaiman In a blog post for another day, a profound therapy session shifted my idea of who I was; my very identity. And just like the butterfly shakes off the chrysalis, I needed to dislodge from grooves in my soul that no longer served me. Who was I, really? Well, I'm still surprising myself with the discoveries. Turns out I don't need to stay at the Ritz or fly first-class to be truly happy. (Duh!) One of the questions I continue to ask myself is, "What does fun look like now?" Aside from the aforementioned indulgences, my idea of fun had to change because I no longer had the Mark and Brenda version of fun (riding on the back of a Harley; sitting on the couch watching American Idol; doing anything holding hands...) *Sigh* So I took a salsa dancing class. Sought out out pinball arcades. Visited sound bath healings and took long walks, breathing in the Pacific air. To make friends, I started a purely recreational Instagram page @Eat_Drink_LaJolla . And a podcast, The Alchemy of Pain , to help others going through a dark time. Oh, and published a children's audiobook, Annabelle the Octopus . The print version will be out in 2024, with my sister as the illustrator. Another dream come true! True confession: I never thought exercise was fun and considered myself completely uncoordinated. Now, I have made an intentional decision to identify as HEALTHY. (And healthy is fun.) Unlike a year ago, I now wake up at 6:30 a.m. and head to my strength training gym. Next, it's off to a minimum of 20 minutes in the sauna. Note: Did you know that 20 minutes in a sauna four times a week significantly reduces your risk of cardiovascular mortality AND Alzheimers (in some studies by over 60%?)

When your entire career (and life) has been focused on joy, this new venture seems counterintuitive.

Delivering a message from your heart is powerful and leaves the audience with a feeling they'll never forget.