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Sometimes when you're not looking, you find exactly what you need.

The above photo is a sailboat called "Abbondanza."


When I heard the name, something leapt inside of me.  Abundance is one of my favorite words!  I even have a small tattoo representing the word on my left forearm.


So when the invitation came, I prayed for calm waters and sunny skies.


My friends were busy navigating the sails and they encouraged me to just soak up the rays and say hello to the sea lions perched on the buoys we passed.

Savoring the ocean breeze and the sun on my face, an unexpected wave propelled me from my seat to the other side of the boat.


And I cracked up.  It was a full-on belly laugh that even surprised ME, perhaps because it had been a while.


I'm pretty good at planning fun.  Whether it's a karaoke night or making an epic dinner reservation at a Michelin-starred restaurant, I've become adept at arranging happy distractions.


But a belly laugh?  You can't plan for that.


It takes you by surprise, like that wave toppling me across the deck.


When I arrived home and parked my car, I noticed this in the rear view:

The rear view as I parked my car at home in La Jolla.

My heart swelled with appreciation for the pastel colors of the sunset. The idea that I can walk to the Pacific Ocean every day still stuns me.


In that moment, I thought about all of the events that brought me to this place.


Loss.  Disappointment.  Grief.  Heartache. Doubts.  Fears.  Depression.  Betrayal. Desperation. 


If presented with a menu of life options, I wouldn't have chosen any of these.


Yet they were the very tools that brought me, not only to this place, but to my knees.


I'd come a long way by myself.


But early this year, I waved a white flag of surrender, and it profoundly changed me.


No longer striving to create my own reality or manifest my dream life (all of which can be quite effective yet utterly exhausting), I chose to "let go and let God."


Giving up?  No.


Letting go? Yes.


Not relinquishing my dreams, but unclenching my grip on assumptions about how my life should unfold. 


In this new posture of rest, I observed life - past, present, and future - through a different lens.


Anyone who has lived even a little bit knows (like the Rolling Stones sang), "You can't always get what you want." 


But for me, the passage of time and a Divine perspective revealed, "I got what I needed."


A portion of an often quoted scripture promises  "...all things work together for good..." (Romans 8:28)


I've found comfort in choosing to believe this.  It makes an uncertain future far less scary.


And helped me find beauty rather than bitterness in the rear view.


To clarify, I don't love what happened.


But I do love who I am becoming in the process.


Perhaps this is a true pursuit of happiness.


And for me, a source of deep gratitude this Thanksgiving season.

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