Tag Archives: regret

Little Things and a BIG Life

My friend Roseann has said for years that it’s the little things, like sharing dinner at the table with her husband, Mike, that make her life rich.

This view of life never resonated with me. For 14 years, I ate by myself on the couch while we each “did our own thing.”

I became the queen of the grand gesture.

The trip to Normandy…the lavish birthday parties…the Tag Heuer watch.

To me, it was a “go big or go home” approach to life.  Little?  Ha!  That’s for losers.

Now that I look through the lens of lessons learned, I see that my grand gestures were desperate attempts to bring meaning and satisfaction to a life lacking in what mattered most.

Tenderness. Connection. Laughter.

My grand (and expensive) strokes were also my stabs and finally doing the great, big thing that would make my life WORK.  

Do you remember when old cars took some work to “turn over” on a cold winter morning?  You’d turn the key and pump the gas; the car gasping for life…

…yes, that’s how I see many of the years in my rear view window.

This is not a post about regret, however!  No, no, no!  This is a post about finally seeing the light!

It’s about really and truly and finally understanding that no external thing could fix something wrong on the INSIDE.

That no grand or lavish gesture can evoke love that isn’t there already.  And that nothing you do can make other people happy if they choose to be miserable.

And most of all, if you are not happy, no one else and nothing else can make your motor run.

Finding peace within my heart and falling in love with ME has changed everything.

I beat this drum with everyone now, and I’m sure it is a bit annoying.

But can you really say that you’ve settled into a full-blown love affair with yourself?

Can you boldly say, “I’m wonderful!”

When you think of yourself, is it with the tenderness that you would offer an innocent baby?

This seismic shift changed everything for me.  It took a trek to Costa Rica and a visit with a shaman to get there, but man was it worth the journey.

Now friends, you don’t have to go to Costa Rica or take a psycho-spiritual journey to get there, but whatever it takes, please get there!

Oh please forgive yourself!  Oh please stop regretting the past!  Oh please…because life is too short to put a band-aid on and we were never meant to be the walking wounded.

How tragic to get to the end of our days (and gee, we don’t know if that will be TOMORROW!) and consider that we wasted it all being unhappy and that unhappiness served NO purpose.

And how tragic to numb ourselves or empty our bank accounts in the attempt to compensate for a broken heart we never forgave.

Last weekend, I had the pleasure of picking up Shasta for a play date.  Mark and I wandered around until we ran into an arts and crafts festival.  We meandered hand in hand.  I bought a cheap anklet, we sampled kettle corn and Shasta was loved on by every passerby.

And I said to myself, “What a wonderful world.”

Louie Armstrong, I get it!  Roseann, I get it!

In a lifetime of talk about having an expansive life, I realize just how BIG little is.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I LOVE sniffing the air at any Ritz-Carlton.  I plan to visit Greece and publish a few books.  And birthdays?  Puh-leeze!  I love an excuse to party plan!

But those things will all be the icing on a cake that is sweet already.  And I wish the same for you, too.

Here are my closing thoughts on EXPANSIVENESS and a brand-new, never before received Word of the Weeks!

It’s a week to speak up!  (And to listen…)

May these last two weeks of February bring riches to your heart.

Love, love, love –


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WOW (Word of the Week) for 9.27.15

Just as I had settled into a nice, easy take on WILLINGNESS (i.e., bad hair days and dancing in the rain) I came face to face with a far more weighty situation that I was NOT initially WILLING to face.

What were the telltale signs?

Hurt.  Anger.  Justification.  Torment. Despair.  Depression.

My entire arsenal of defense mechanisms kicked in…but in that space there is no resolve.

In fact, for some of life’s hardest junctures, there simply is no resolve.  You can’t change the past.

But there is always a choice here in the present.

Will I choose love or fear?

And if someone hurt me (or I hurt them) – am I WILLING to forgive us both?

Life can be a running string of regrets and offenses when fear and unforgiveness win.

I choose love.

I choose forgiveness.

And when the past comes back to haunt you with your failures, take comfort in Maya Angelou’s words:  When you know better you do better.

In other words:

Every hard fought lesson learned is a building block.

Yes, Brenda 2.0 fell short.  But that was 15 versions ago.  And I am NOT willing to hold myself hostage an obsolete version of me.  And I hope you won’t, either.

Which is quite a preamble to this week’s WOW.  When I recorded this, I was a bit at a loss…but now I see – all the pieces of life work together as a tapestry.  If you look closely, you’ll see ugly bits of fabric and lovely ones, too.  Focusing on just the one or the other causes you to miss the full picture, which is a combination of it all.

We all have failures and regrets in this life.  But what did you do with them?

Did you change and grow and evolve and learn?  Do you know better and then do better?

Then stop obsessing over that ugly bit of fabric.  It’s just one piece of you.  Yes, it may be the only thing that others see, but that is their choice.

You can choose to see through the lens of love and forgiveness.  And when you do, you can see how all the little pieces have come together – and continue to come together – to make you who you are today.

What does SYNTHESIS mean to you?


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