Tag Archives: Questions

To Be Clear Means to Flow (and the New WOW)

Sometimes the next step seems as clear as mud.

I’ve been considering the ebb and flow of life and how clarity comes in moments built upon moments.  And the preceding moments aren’t often pretty.

Confusion, dismay, disappointment, regret, angst – in the muddy periods when it’s a dog eat dog world and you’re wearing Milkbone underwear (thank you, Cheers, for one of the best TV show lines of all time), it can feel like nothing will EVER change.

You trudge along, sticking to the glue-like mud.  The rain pours down and so do the tears.  You catch a glimpse of your longed-for destination way down the road and wonder if you’ll ever get there.

But you keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Or at least stepping up and down so as not to sink into the quagmire. Because you’re no quitter, and even in your dark spaces, there’s a glimmer of hope that says, “You’re gonna make it.”

Yep.  You’re gonna make it.

You know why?

Because love never fails, and you are dearly loved.

Oh, you may not feel so much like it right now, with your snotty nose and tear-stained cheeks and really bad hair day.

But you are dearly loved.

Love surrounds you.  And as long as you keep voting with love (and not its evil arch-enemy, fear), the clouds are going to part.  The sun will break through.

You’ll realize your destination is closer than you ever imagined as you dejectedly trudged through the mud.

When I made my desperate move in June 2017, I had 48 hours to find a place to live, hire movers, get an attorney and set up a new life.

There was a narrow path, but it was clear, and I took it.

So often, after you make your grand move, it’s like all the grace and space collapses and suddenly, you wonder, “What am I DOING?”

Will I make it?  Will I crumble?

A bold move is often followed up with a swift kick in the gut.

Don’t take your cue from the kick.

There were days when I howled crying from loneliness and anxiety.  I missed my beautiful house.  I missed my lovely little Shasta.  I missed and mourned for the love I once had shared with my husband.

I questioned my sanity.

But the passage of time did some miraculous things.  It caused me to fall to my knees and ask the questions of a lifetime…questions borne of a desperate desire to NOT replicate the mistakes that brought me to this place.

The hard questions ushered in answers that spring-boarded me to a new way of looking at life…and a new capacity to attract good because finally, I WAS good.

I say all of this to say, “Hang in there.”  Clarity WILL come.  Keep slogging away.  When the clouds part, your path will become clear – and you’ll be ready for that step because of the valuable life lessons learned in the quagmire.

More on that, and a new WOW, coming right up!

Oh, to be a bigger person.  I look forward to giving everyone a big break – including myself – in the coming two weeks.

Much love to you all!



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In Praise of Nagging (and the New WOW)

Sometimes a nagging voice can save your life.

I hear you; sometimes nagging can also annoy the #$%^ out of you.  There are certain reminders from my husband that reverberate in my head even when he’s not around. The admonitions to not leave the house with the washing machine running…or to not put the good knives in the dishwasher (and a few hundred other Duane-isms) sometimes make me groan.  Since he’s been proven right about many of them, I tend to comply with his voice in my head.

I’m not so sure my exhortations against leaving a used K-cup in the Keurig or dishes in the sink have been equally successful.

Exhortations!  What a lovely euphemism for nagging!  (Well, nice nagging.  There is also bitchy nagging, which is a blog post for a different day.)

Nagging can take on various forms. Sometimes they start as a simple “Hmmmmmm….” 

These are easily dismissed.

If the “Hmmmmms…” continue, they turn into heart tugs that evolve into questions. Questions become torments if answers aren’t sought.

Which led me to the doctor’s office.

A little dime-sized bump on my leg started to nag me.  I think I was shaving my legs, felt it and thought, “Hmmmmm…I guess it’s a mosquito bite.”

Then when reading at night a few weeks later I remembered it…and there it still was. “Hmmmmmm….”

My heart tugged and I asked Duane to look at it.  “I dunno…get it checked out.”

It got a little bigger and I began to Google every possible iteration of “bumps on the leg.”

The questions demanded an answer.  Fortunately, I had a checkup arranged – one that I was excited about.  My doctor was going to praise my weight loss and exercise program, and crown me the queen of the New Year’s resolution parade (if there was such a thing.)

Instead, she said, “Hmmmmmmm….”

She recommended a biopsy and at the B word I went into overdrive. The specialist she recommended couldn’t see me for ANOTHER MONTH.  Ha!  Now that my nagging had a directive attached to it, I wasn’t going to wait another MINUTE (let alone a month.)

Dr. Fernandez saw me that very week.  He checked out the bump (as well as another one elsewhere; I mean, after all, if you’re getting biopsied, go for it, girl!)

I said, hopefully, “It’s nothing, right?”

He replied that to get an accurate reading would take at least 10 business days.  Which were a super long ten days, as you can imagine.

When I got the call, I said, “You have good news, right?”

She said the other “B” word – basil cell carcinoma.  Which I Googled while she was on the other end of the line scheduling its removal.

As I have stated previously, if you are going to have the “C” word, this is the one to have. Quite common and easily removed, you almost want to say “thank you” to the universe for dishing out a lesser form of awfulness.

As I write this, my zapping of the C is happening on Monday morning, and I look forward to sharing good news with you all.

Don’t think you’re off the hook.  I bet some of you have had  nagging thoughts that you have suppressed and disregarded.  Please take this blog post as an exhortation to GET IT CHECKED OUT.  

Also, in conclusion, if you have backed off of nagging your husband to get his prostate checked or dental work done or a host of other medical musts that no man ever wants to do, KEEP NAGGING.

Here are my final thoughts in praise of nagging, and another personal story of how being OBEDIENT (last week’s WOW) to that still, small voice changed the very course of my life:

Interesting that VISION ended 2016 for us.  Perhaps this is a reminder to dust that off and remember what your vision for 2017 was (before too much of it is in our rear view mirror.)

If you are faced with a difficult decision; one that requires heart-wrenching obedience to the still, small, nagging voice – I am rooting for you.

As the theme song to my very favorite show of all time went:  You’re gonna make it after all.

RIP Mary Tyler Moore.

And love to you all –




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