Tag Archives: Negativity

Is Gaper’s Delay Jamming Your Dreams?

Traffic jams are such an annoyance. No one likes a traffic jam!

Actually, they can be downright infuriating.

After all, you left in PLENTY of time to arrive at your destination, only to be stuck on the freeway.

You strain your neck out of the window, trying to figure out WHAT’s going on. Fuming, you inch forward at a snail’s pace.

Too many minutes pass and you finally see an accident…but one that occurred quite some time ago. The paramedics have long left the scene; the debris cleared. Cars are removed from the flow of traffic.

But traffic isn’t flowing.

You’re in a jam.

Because you’re you, you breathe a prayer for the poor souls who were in the accident. But next you say, “Why did every one slow down?”

The fascination of something gone wrong is magnetic.

It draws you in.

You can’t help but look.

And so it is in everyday life. (Even off of the roadway.)

That curt reply to your lengthy e-mail. The maddening lack of collaboration on an important project. The juicy tidbit of gossip about a colleague. Fixating on your neighbor’s tendency to leave their trash can by the curb long after pick-up day.

Nagging little things!

Or, bigger things.

Like the drama that unfolds regularly on our TV screens or TMZ alerts. The tragedy of human life lost. Or the bluster of the election season with its fear-inducing ads.

Attraction to negative things creates a gaper delay. It jams us up, delaying our better selves and our higher hopes.

It holds up resistance to the flow of good.

No, I’m not saying to ignore the truths of life. But must they have SO much of our attention?

What you give attention to grows. And by that attention, you attract more of it. Even if it is something you abhor!

My friends and I have a rule. When we’re “gotten” by a thing and feel we must talk about it, we preface the conversation with: “I’m giving you just a ten-second rundown because I don’t want to energize this anymore.”

We understand that language with each other.

It’s not that we don’t care, and if we WENT there, we’d be marvelous commiserators.

But would it help?

Would it do any good?

We have decided we’d rather be co-creators of that which we WANT.

So we flip the script and move the conversation to one that feels better.

Yes, so that thing happened, but how can we see the good in it? Or let’s daydream a bit and imagine the thing we WANT happening.

This bad thing? It’s only temporary anyway. No matter what it is, it will pass!

And the next thing will come along.

This is the cycle of life.

I want to accelerate the good and attract more of it.

What I see right now?

It’s actually OLD news. Because I’m going forward.

If you feel you’ve been waiting way too long for things you want or for change to come, consider if you’ve jammed yourself up by gaping at the UNwanted.

Change the subject in your mind. Encourage your friends to help you stay on track. Take a nap to stop the momentum!

And feel the relief that comes from once again, putting your pedal to the metal.

My last two weeks? A rollercoaster! And thanks to angels of mercy, I made it through…

Thank a healthcare worker today!

And I hope everything that seems a bit lifeless has life breathed into it with new inspiration these next two weeks —

Love,

Brenda

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Digging Out of a Self-Dug Hole

It was a deep, dark hole.

And I dug it. (And not in a good, 70’s “groovy” kind of way.)

Since we are the CEO’s of our own lives, we dig the holes we choose to dive into.

This week’s video talks about the particular hole I dug, so I’m not going to re-hash that, but let’s spend a minute going over how to emerge from those self-imposed ditches!

First things first, stop beating yourself up for having “done it again.” You were on a high-flying disc, you felt unstoppable, you were bathed in positivity – then BAM, you got sucker punched by a thought.

It was a nagging thought; it could have been swatted away like a mosquito, but instead, you played with it.

You entertained it.

In the workshops I teach, I use the example of a known criminal showing up at your door. Would you let them in? Further, would you brew a pot of coffee and open up the guest room?

NEVER!

We should treat negative thoughts; hurtful self-talk and shame-filled internal accusations with the same vehemence.

However, when we fail to kick them to the curb quickly, they do gain momentum. And their companion playmates then join in to sling some mud. Next thing you know, you have full-on anxiety, depression, the blahs and the blues.

The worst thing you can do is kick yourself when you’re down.

No! Be extra nice to yourself. Don’t dwell on the hole; think of a better-feeling thought – perhaps completely off-topic. Like that your favorite niece just got engaged – or that there’s a whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer with your name on it. Count some blessings. You have a roof over your head, or friends that care about you. A job that pays the bills and a sunset you can catch if you look out the window.

If that doesn’t work, take a nap. Going to sleep will hit the re-set button on your mood.

Seeking those better- feeling thoughts and entertaining THEM will elevate you from the hole, and soon you’ll be back to your tuned in, tapped in, turned on self.

Yes, you are hearing my favorite Esther Hicks phrases in this post, and for good reason.

They work!

I bet you’ll laugh when you hear what nagging thought began MY personal hole since the last time we visited. How lovely to laugh at what had previously stung!

https://youtu.be/FOQmkjf-4As

Don’t you just LOVE our new Word of the Week?

xoxoxo

Love,
Brenda

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Keeping it Kind in the Mind (and the New WOW)

My mind can be either a landfill of thoughts or simply a breezeway for them to enter and exit.

Thoughts are like beloved company or dreaded solicitors, and we should treat them similarly.

A welcome visitor should be encouraged to stay (perhaps forever). You fluff their pillows and linger over coffee at the kitchen table. You ENGAGE and cultivate experiences that build to more of them.

With solicitors, who never fail to call just when you are sitting down to dinner or ring the doorbell at the WORST possible time (actually, any time the doorbell rings without a pre-planned visit is usually inopportune), you cut to the chase and close out the contact as quickly as possible.

I suggest we do the same with the thoughts that come to call, hoping to lodge in our minds.

Why do we entertain liars, bullies, Negative Nellies and Debbie Downers?  If we wouldn’t invite them to sleep in our guest room, why let them linger in our minds?

Perhaps because we fear they speak the truth.

I protest!

It is the TRUTH that sets us FREE; lies put us in bondage, render us losers and talk us out of our dreams.

As those of you who follow this blog know, I had my own crisis of faith in recent weeks that almost talked me in to quitting my practice of the Word of the Week.

It toyed with my soul, nagged and chipped away at my joy and was building power…

…until I gave it a voice. Speaking it out loud and sharing it with people whose opinions I respect took it out of the shadows and into the light.

When the light shines, you see the fuzz balls and the dust for what it is – and you can clean house.

Which is what I did.  And why I am here today, talking to you wonderful friends.

Let’s take the flipside for a moment:  If Jimmy Fallon showed up at your door (or George Clooney or Oprah or maybe your favorite character from This is Us or someone else delightful and/or hunky), wouldn’t you roll out the red carpet?

So when someone compliments you or you think kindly about yourself, why do we so easily dismiss or deflect?  Is it a false humility?

Does it matter what it is if it doesn’t serve our best selves?

I had some close encounters this week with wonderful people setting up housekeeping with MEAN thoughts.  Here’s what I had to say about that (and of course, the new WOW):

Ah, HARMONY.

A call to be at peace, within and without. Embracing differences so they blend rather than tear us apart.

This goes along beautifully with the exhortation to be kind, to yourself and to others.

When the nasty thoughts come, toward yourself or to another person, show them the door.

And usher in HARMONY.

xoxoxoxo
Brenda

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Voting with the Truth (not the Lies) and the New WOW

I wrote a card to a friend this week, because I was struck by just how gifted he is in drawing good people together.  I found “my people” in Sarasota because of him, and I wanted to him to hear that TRUTH (in true Word of the Week style.)

I tried to say it – and believe me folks, I have no problem saying anything to anyone (God gave me that gene instead of the one that can balance checkbooks or cook meals) – but every time I tried to go there, he cracked a joke.

The truth wants to set us free, but can only do so when we LET it.

I only bring up that example because sometimes I see that same deflection in myself. A compliment poo-poohed, an expression of appreciation responded to with “oh, that'[s nothing…”  I thought about why we all sometimes fall into that trap that sticks an umbrella up when blessings start to fall down and have considered that it’s often because we are more comfortable with the LIES that bind us than the TRUTH that sets us free.

Have you ever heard in your head:  “You’re a loser.”  “You’ll never change.”  “Why bother?” “It’s too late for you!” (You can fill in the blank with your own variety of playful thoughts.)

And we entertain them!  Sit right down and tell me more!  Oooooh…that reminds me of ten other regrets/failure/fears…and down the rabbit hole we go.

Ah, but “You’re beautiful.”  “You’re talented.” “You inspire me.” “You make a difference.” “You should go for it!”

These lovely truths to often die on the vine because we sometimes (falsely) believe that embracing such good stuff about ourselves is conceited or arrogant or haughty.

Which is another LIE!

 

Lies

Let’s continue to vote with the TRUTH this week (and every week).

Imagine the energy and strength and power you’ll bring into your situations and challenges!  

And you’ll have an abundance of good feelings so you can give the excess away to others.

More on TRUTH…and the new (first ever) WOW!:

Boy does this play off of the whole empathetic approach to life that was part of the TRUTH I heard last week!

As always, when we apply the Word of the Week and seek to extend UNDERSTANDING to others, don’t forget to offer yourself some healthy doses of it, too.

xoxoxoxoxo

Brenda

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