Tag Archives: Lessons

Is Your Setback Actually a Setup?

My recent hair appointment resulted in a setback.

After three years spent growing out the bangs my ex-husband loved, I made the grave error of arriving at my appointment in a “do whatever you want” mood.

Alan wanted bangs.

Craving some immediate and measurable improvement in my appearance, I threw caution to the wind (despite a nagging no on the inside) and said, “Go for it!”

At the first snip, I knew they were too short.

I groaned internally. This was not my first bang rodeo.

Six-months of hair angst would ensue before I could return to my former bang-less glory.

The only comfort? Looking over my shoulder at previous bang travesties and knowing that, eventually, they always grow back.

Which is a great metaphor for any setback in life.

Think of something that pained you in the past. Do you now think of it differently?

Being laid off from QVC? Now I say THANK GOD I didn’t spend my career selling gold chains (though I am happy for those that do.)

The one that got away? I’ve seen his Facebook photos, and he didn’t age well.

Then, there are the more deeply stinging setbacks. Like the 17 years spent in a church that turned out to be a cult.

Sure, I could waste my energy bemoaning the “lost” years, but were they really lost?

The harshest, most painful setbacks in life (and there were plenty at that place) give us crystal clear clarity on what we don’t want and what we do want.

Never shall I allow my voice to be silenced in the face of injustice again. I will not allow others to assign my worth, nor will I be controlled by someone else’s “vision” for my life.

Just as the scriptures say, I had to lose my life to find it.

The experience set me back to set me up for who I am today.

The loss of my father at age ten still befuddles me. But that setback birthed in me a keen understanding that life is precious…and fleeting. That you should end conversations with a heartfelt “I love you” because you don’t know when or if you’ll get another chance to do so in this life.

A recent post talked about how time offers perspective unavailable when in the midst of turmoil. The 56 -year-old version of me now feels my father’s presence at key moments and I have an unshakable knowing that he is ever-present, offering emotional support.

A very present help in time of trouble.

The immortality of his beautiful soul offered small comfort to a little girl who just wanted a big hand to hold. Forty-six years later, I understand his transition to non-physical as a new way to know him.

Our word these past two weeks has been celebration.

My interpretation has been to embrace celebration as appreciation, yes, even for the setbacks in life.

They unfailingly become setups for good if we’ll choose to see them that way.

https://youtu.be/T8fWbw6yo48

Hoping you find sources of inspiration around every corner.

With love,

Brenda

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Living It ‘Til You’re Learning It

I’m learning that some lessons are like Groundhog’s Day.  They don’t go away until they’ve done their work.

Have you hit your head against a familiar wall, time and time again?

Maybe it’s to stand up for yourself; embrace conflict and be assertive.

Perhaps your Achilles heel is to stop falling for the bad boys just because the chemistry rings your bell.

Or learning to say “No” to extra duties when your plate is completely full.

My Groundhog Day lesson? It always comes back to self-worth, ego, and the motivation for why I do what I do and want what I want.

Oh, my journey to Costa Rica settled many deep-rooted issues related to loving myself. There was no turning back from what was a uniquely healing experience. But, as life would have it, there are LAYERS of healing; layers of release; layers of understanding and, as was our Word of the Weeks, WISDOM.

When you feel less than, you have to produce MORE than.

Simple doesn’t cut it. Grand is required; success has to be super-sized.

Yes, I am a believer in abundance and that there’s plenty to go around, so yes, get me some! But lately there has been a shift to ask myself, “Why?”

Am I still trying to prove something to myself?

Or am I still that child seeking to finally win approval through my amazing performance?

Ugh.  THAT performance word again.

Well, I’m letting it rise up and smack me (gently) in the head and heart, because sometimes things have to come up again and around another way before you get the richness of release.

Here’s what I do know: I am trying too hard when I’m stressed.

Some of the best gifts of my life had nothing to do with how hard I worked to make them happen.

I want more of THAT.

And, side note to myself (and to you, too, if it helps): Everything doesn’t have to happen TOMORROW.

I tend to feel quite sensitive to the passage of time, and find myself urgently attempting to fit everything in before I die.

Which is a lousy way to live. Today. In the now.

Because today is the only today you get.

So I’m thinking it is wise to walk away from the desperation of stress-fueled achievement (and taking a nice LONG weekend to visit my friend Anita in Jacksonville just to wiggle my toes in the sand and accomplish NOTHING for the next few days.)

Happy Labor Day weekend, everyone!

More thoughts on WISDOM, and a brand new Word of the Weeks (WOW):

May none of our AWAKENINGS be rude ones…instead, may we sense the gentle nudge of SPIRIT and see with new eyes and a wide open heart.

Love to you all!

Brenda

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To Be Clear Means to Flow (and the New WOW)

Sometimes the next step seems as clear as mud.

I’ve been considering the ebb and flow of life and how clarity comes in moments built upon moments.  And the preceding moments aren’t often pretty.

Confusion, dismay, disappointment, regret, angst – in the muddy periods when it’s a dog eat dog world and you’re wearing Milkbone underwear (thank you, Cheers, for one of the best TV show lines of all time), it can feel like nothing will EVER change.

You trudge along, sticking to the glue-like mud.  The rain pours down and so do the tears.  You catch a glimpse of your longed-for destination way down the road and wonder if you’ll ever get there.

But you keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Or at least stepping up and down so as not to sink into the quagmire. Because you’re no quitter, and even in your dark spaces, there’s a glimmer of hope that says, “You’re gonna make it.”

Yep.  You’re gonna make it.

You know why?

Because love never fails, and you are dearly loved.

Oh, you may not feel so much like it right now, with your snotty nose and tear-stained cheeks and really bad hair day.

But you are dearly loved.

Love surrounds you.  And as long as you keep voting with love (and not its evil arch-enemy, fear), the clouds are going to part.  The sun will break through.

You’ll realize your destination is closer than you ever imagined as you dejectedly trudged through the mud.

When I made my desperate move in June 2017, I had 48 hours to find a place to live, hire movers, get an attorney and set up a new life.

There was a narrow path, but it was clear, and I took it.

So often, after you make your grand move, it’s like all the grace and space collapses and suddenly, you wonder, “What am I DOING?”

Will I make it?  Will I crumble?

A bold move is often followed up with a swift kick in the gut.

Don’t take your cue from the kick.

There were days when I howled crying from loneliness and anxiety.  I missed my beautiful house.  I missed my lovely little Shasta.  I missed and mourned for the love I once had shared with my husband.

I questioned my sanity.

But the passage of time did some miraculous things.  It caused me to fall to my knees and ask the questions of a lifetime…questions borne of a desperate desire to NOT replicate the mistakes that brought me to this place.

The hard questions ushered in answers that spring-boarded me to a new way of looking at life…and a new capacity to attract good because finally, I WAS good.

I say all of this to say, “Hang in there.”  Clarity WILL come.  Keep slogging away.  When the clouds part, your path will become clear – and you’ll be ready for that step because of the valuable life lessons learned in the quagmire.

More on that, and a new WOW, coming right up!

Oh, to be a bigger person.  I look forward to giving everyone a big break – including myself – in the coming two weeks.

Much love to you all!
xoxoxox

Brenda

 

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