When TRUST has been broken, how do we avoid becoming hard and bitter?
I came face to face with this question this week as I suffered a disappointment regarding a new friendship.
Full disclosure, my friend was equally disappointed in me.
Two sides, neither willing to yield.
My stubbornness? Born of a newfound desire to not abdicate what I deem precious to make others’ comfortable. To value my soul enough to give it voice and not dismiss my feelings is THE point of my current journey.
Perhaps as I find the balance and rhythm of my new life, I will be more willing to yield, but for now, it is critical that I not.
Here’s why: Because I know that in yielding that first important thing can come a slippery slope of acquiescence; the path to losing myself again.
I refuse to.
And in my friend’s unwillingness to give my refusal space, there came a parting of the ways.
Here’s the kicker: I have written about my carefulness to engage in new friendships. When you have quality, beautiful people already in your life and you’re not needy, you have the luxury of being more discriminating about those whom you choose to spend time.
This person had checked off all the boxes that were important to me: Depth, kindness, spirituality, humor, self-awareness…and I let them in.
Then, the great impasse. The argument with no resolve. The parting of the ways.
One side of me says, “Why even bother? Who NEEDS this?!”
The other side knows that in each encounter are lessons to be learned.
That in the decision to “Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin'” comes the promise of disappointment, hope, pain, joy – the entire kaleidoscope of feelings.
I’d rather live and feel…even if the feelings are sad for a season.
So back to the question, “How do you avoid becoming HARD?”
The freshness of the disappointment was wrapped in a sense of innocence lost. Could I ever be so willing and open with someone new? Had I lost my capacity to try again? Would I become hard – or stay soft?
The answer sank into my heart and was a soothing balm to my soul:
“You stay soft when you put your trust in God, not in people.”
If I put my trust in people, I will always be disappointed. Because they are human! They are as flawed as I am. But to accept that the Universe is unfolding exactly as it ought; that some relationships are just for a season and that there are rich lessons to be gleaned from each one? That comforts me enough to put myself out there again. And again.
Then I hear the words to Kesha’s song “Rainbow”: “What’s left of my heart’s still made of gold…”
But in the dark, I realized this life is short
And deep down, I’m still a child
Playful eyes, wide and wild
I can’t lose hope, what’s left of my heart’s still made of gold
You’ll find a rainbow, rainbow, baby
Trust me, I know life is scary
But just put those colors on, girl
Come and play along with me tonight
You gotta learn to let go, put the past behind you
Trust me, I know, the ghosts will try to find you
But just put those colors on, girl
Come and paint the world with me tonight.
You can hear it here:
The rainbow was God’s promise that he would never send another flood that would destroy the world. Yes, there are floods…but they will not destroy you.
Keep living, my friends. Take the hits – and stay soft. What’s left of your heart’s still made of gold.
And now, my video take on the word TRUST and a new Word of the Week:
Hmmmm….Sister/Brotherhood was a call to stop being lone rangers in life. And now SUPPORT?
When we feel overwhelmed this week, let’s continue to reach out and get the support we need. (Or, when we see a need, let’s jump in and be a support!)
Have a beautiful week –