Saying goodbye is never easy. I’m getting on a plane this week and know that every minute of every day, I’m going to miss my Mark, my bed, my morning coffee (made MY way) and my regular rhythm of life.
I will be moving soon (that’s ANOTHER blog post for another day) and I realize that pieces of furniture I’ve LOVED just don’t fit into the new place, so I have to say goodbye.
And my closet? It’s still got that gown from 20 years ago that PERHAPS my thigh could get into, but for pure nostalgia’s sake, I haven’t the wherewithal to say goodbye to it.
DISCLAIMER: I am DELIGHTED that I didn’t say goodbye to my black leather skirt from 2002. Because for the first time since then, I can wear it again! (Go me!)
Then there are the deep and profound goodbyes that are the signposts of moving on; growing into yourself – and settling into your own self worth.
I posted this meme this week and it was widely shared, but one comment struck me: “Easier said than done.”
No one said it would be easy.
Likely, this “getting rid of what doesn’t make you happy” kind of goodbye will rip your guts out. It will leave you heaving in sobs on the floor. It will cause you to question your sanity.
The comfortable ditch of misery will try to call you back – or at least call your judgment into question.
Seeming friends will call you selfish, or worse, cruel for saying goodbye.
Religious types will muse about your departure with head shakes and concerns about fulfilling your holy calling.
Drinking buddies will say, “You don’t have a problem! One glass won’t hurt…”
But you know you must go.
Whether it is a relationship, or a church, or a job, or anything with which (or whom) you have been entangled, there is a breaking point. And you know, for your own sanity; for your well being; for any hope of having a life of peace and joy, you MUST sever this tie.
Some of you are nodding your heads. You’ve been there and come out the other side. I applaud your bravery.
Some of you are teetering on the edge of the diving board, looking that long way down and terrified of jumping.
I get it.
On the three biggest goodbye decisions of my life I teetered for YEARS. I talked myself out of cutting bait because I kept assuming I was wrong; that I was the problem. So I kept working on me.
That’s not a bad thing. In all that working on me, I learned some great things and grew tremendously. (INSERT PRIVATE JOKE: My friend Cindy and I have coined a phrase, “I learned me something…” when we have an aha moment. It is horrible grammar but makes us giggle.)
There came a point where it became pointless to keep working on me.
The boat only goes around in circles if you’re the only one rowing.
Instead, it was time to do something FOR me.
Leaving is hard. But living a life that is unhappy is harder.
In every leaving, there is a rebirth.
You get to create the life you really want…if you are willing to say goodbye to that which no longer serves you.
More on this topic from our Word of the Week, “PURIFICATION” – and a brand new word to sink into for two more weeks:
Sometimes you can feel like you’re under a pile of doo-doo, but later you realize (with appreciation) that it’s just meant to fertilize your life.
The seed of your dream is in the ground, and it is sometimes a dark place, compounded by the compost of, well, poopy circumstances.
Can I use any more childlike words to describe #$it?
I know that those of you who read my posts are generally like-minded; we seek to GROW our lives, don’t we?
My recent attendance at an Abraham Hicks workshop gave me an AHA that turned into a recent Toastmasters speech that I plan to take to the International Competition. (Nothing like thinking big, right?)
Here it is in written form (which I need to pare down by about 500 words to make my time constraints!):
It was love at first sight.
I was 16 years old…and no, it wasn’t the captain of the football team.
It was a 1981 Chevy Camaro Berlinetta.
This story, however, is NOT about a car.
Still, let me paint a picture for you.
It was a second generation Camaro; the last with the rounded body style. Black leather bucket seats; a sun roof, silver pin-striping – I have no idea what engine type – but it didn’t matter…
…because it had air conditioning and an 8-track player…
It beckoned to me from the showroom floor.
Perhaps it was my mom’s way of honoring my dad’s memory – he was ALWAYS opposed to buying a used car.
Maybe it was the pleading look in my eye.
Whatever unseen miracle was at work, I drove that Berlinetta out of the showroom, certain it would
Solve all of my self-esteem issues,
Secure me a prom date and
Send my classmates into a jealous frenzy.
None of that happened, but what did happen was the minute I drove that car off of the lot, it depreciated by 11%. At the end of the first year, that percentage rose to 19%.
I learned the concept of DEPRECIATION.
Webster’s defines DEPRECIATE as to diminish in value over a period of time or to disparage or belittle. To DE-PRECIATE shrinks things.
Which got me thinking about APPRECIATION.
Could it be said that APPRECIATION grows things?
When I water and fertilize my flowers, they GROW. Saying “thank you” or complimenting a friend GROWS a relationship. When I make deposits into my savings, that account GROWS.
APPRECIATION is like a magical super-sizer.
Famed inspirational speaker and motivational coach Tony Robbins said it this way:
You’re enjoying the sunny Sarasota sunshine. (Or imagine that you are, dear Northerners!)
It brings a smile to your face.
You’re walking down main street and say to a passerby, “Isn’t it a beautiful day?”
They agree, smiling.
And your appreciation has made a beautiful day even better by the very act of appreciating it.
Appreciation GROWS things.
When I throw my Burger King wrapper in my garden bed, it chokes the roots.
If I don’t tend to the weeds or protect my plants from critters or pests, they fall prey.
My actions – or lack – of appreciation can either SPEED or IMPEDE growth.
Appreciation is ACTIVE.
When I moved out on my own, my Camaro didn’t have the oil changed regularly. (I hear you groaning.) It became a repository for fast food wrappers and dents and parking tickets from Glassboro State College. It eventually died on the highway.
Because of the way I DIDN’T take care of it, it had steadily diminished in value.
Had I appreciated it and cared for it, it might be a classic – the target of oohs and aahs at car shows.
And when it comes to matters of the heart and appreciation, I think of my marriage.
It started with roses and cards and praise…
…and ended in shouts and divisions of property and our very lives.
We stopped appreciating what we loved about each other and the marriage continued to shrink.
How do we DE-PRECIATE our lives? We:
Focus on what’s wrong instead of what is right
Let negative thoughts take up residence
Poison our dreams by marinating on their impossibility
Has anyone here been guilty of these? Me too, so how do we FERTILIZE OUR LIVES? Through APPRECIATION.
Acknowledge what IS GOOD right now.
Praise progress – even baby steps.
Remember what obstacles you’ve surmounted.
Recall how far you’ve come.
And be good to YOU.
Yes, be nice to yourself.
Stop complaining about what you didn’t, should have or might have been or done.
The past is in your rear-view mirror. You’re not going there.
Regrets do NOT serve you or anyone else. Guilt is a non-productive emotion, and if you look ahead, the sun is shining – always, even behind the clouds.
I want my life to GROW. I want MORE GOOD STUFF – and I don’t want to take the blessings of life for granted until they de-preciate from view.
What do you love – who do you love, RIGHT NOW?
Even worship it (or them) with appreciation
AND WATCH YOUR LIFE GROW.
We had two less-than-sexy words this past two weeks, but I was inspired with a fun take on RESPONSIBILITY and TRUST. Here it is, plus the new WOW:
It’s a mandate to go with the flow, my friends.
May that flow take you ever closer to the life you’ve imagined.
With all that I had to learn this past week, you might think that our WOW was still EDUCATION. Still, it dovetailed nicely into EXPANSIVENESS; after all, every time you learn, you grow.
Getting back to my story about the series of fires I had to put out last week, aAside from the skill sets I had to acquire (YESTERDAY!), I had to keep stopping to breathe…
I needed to become bigger on the inside to handle all that was going on the outside.
Growth is a process that doesn’t have a fast forward button (unless the circumstances of life propel you to new heights out of necessity.) I felt like a little kid stopping her feet and whining, “Are we THERE yet?”
No amount of whining or worrying will get you (or me) where we need to be.
How I was responding was defining me. Am I a person of faith – or a person of fear?
I was a person gripped with fear MANY times this past week, but self-talked myself off the ledge and back to peace about 327 times.
I wish I could say as I write this that everything has been crossed off my to-do list and successfully completed. However, I AM believing that somehow between now and the finish line I will continue to expand, enabling me to rise to the challenge.
Despite the stress, each new thing I learn makes me feel like an Olympian, breaking the tape at the finish line. I have to keep my eye on that prize, hear the imaginary crowd roaring and see my head bowed to receive the medal.
I mean, what’s the alternative? Believing the ship will sink and that I’ll go down with it?
Gee, how comforting.
Instead, I’ve been singing the theme song from Laverne and Shirley to keep me stoked. (We’re gonna make our dre-eems come true. And we’ll do it our way, yes our way, making our dreams come true…)
Better our dreams than our nightmares.
Which plays well into this week’s WOW…
EXPECTANCY, as I am living it out after having recorded the message, is a two edged sword.
You can dwell on all the negative possibilities and expect Murphy’s law to be in effect.
Or you can have the audacity to get your hopes up and believe for the best.
I discovered the most awesome new word this week: PRONOIA. Definition: Believing the universe is always working on your behalf in every situation. Opposite, of course, of paranoia.
It’s my new favorite word as we brace for BLESSING this week.
I’m expecting to hear wonderful things from all of you!