Tag Archives: fear

From Breakdowns to Breakthroughs

If you’re in the middle of what seems to be a breakdown, hang on – your breakthrough is coming. If you seek it, you’ll find it.

That’s the beauty of wisdom. It’s there, sometimes hidden behind a bunch of hurts and painful memories. Perhaps it is shrouded by a busy life. So busy you can’t see the forest for the trees.

Wisdom is waiting for you, and with it is the clarity that comes from a breakthrough.

If you’re in need of a breakthrough and have used all the tools in your toolbox (talking to good friends, meditation, listening to You Tube videos on the topic, yada yada yada) maybe it’s time to bring in reinforcements.

Funny sidebar: I often get private messages from Facebook friends asking for advice on our Word of the Week messages. I always preface any answer with, “Please keep in mind I am not a licensed therapist…”

While I’ve learned a bunch from the school of hard knocks and good books, I’m not qualified to give counsel to anyone.

I have great regard for those whose love for people and genuine desire to impact lives for good resulted in their pursuit of professional counseling as their life’s work. One of my most favorite people in the world is Anna Coker, who has one of the biggest hearts known to man and uses her sensitivity, kindness, skill, and insight to help people heal.

From my past experience, finding a good therapist is often like going on a series of bad dates until you meet “the one.”

There was the guy whose first instinct was to write me a prescription for Zoloft, which may be helpful for some, but simply numbed me to what was REALLY needing attention. And the woman who was so rigidly religious in her world view she couldn’t hear anything outside of it. Not to mention the toxic horror stories from my past church/cult life, where my deepest hurts were manipulated to control my life and rob me of my individuality.

And yes, some unqualified victims like myself were “made” counselors. I’ve already done that apology tour.

Church/cult experience aside, the other detours into less than helpful therapy still had some value.

Kissing the frogs helps you identify the prince (or princess) when he or she comes along.

Just like finding the best restaurant in town and wanting everyone to taste that particular, pillowy gnocchi, so too, when you find a great therapist, you (I) want people to know about them.

Sanna Carapellotti came to me miraculously through my writing coach, who recognized I had hit a creative wall. And he was sensitive enough to realize it had nothing to do with the book I was writing.

I followed this link to arrange a free, fifteen-minute consultation to see if we both felt she could help me. I knew within one minute that this was a “no BS” yet non-traditional therapist who could guide me to the answers. Her philosophy? You have everything you need inside of you. The answers lie within you. Sometimes you just need a little help to reveal them.

I went into the session thinking I knew exactly what the problem was. Which was, of course, someone else. THEY were the problem.

The tricky think about problems involving other people? You can’t change THEM. You can only change YOU and how you respond to life (and them).

Through a combination of skillful questions, interrupted by breathing exercises, guided meditation, tapping – you name it – we got there.

Oh boy, we GOT there.

My revelation came and it was truly like a light-bulb going off.

Just as profound as my Costa Rica Iboga journey, during which I saw myself shut down after my father’s death – unable to express or even be in touch with my feelings – this time I went further back.

To the incubator.

Born one month premature, I went immediately to isolation, hooked up on tubes and fighting for my life. Isolation separated me from human touch and the nurturing comfort a baby craves when entering this world.

I cried in…isolation.

Long after I finally made weight and could finally join my family, this deep-seated fight for survival stayed with me.

A pit-bull like fear ready to pounce on perceived threats and consuming endless energy has been my companion for these 56 years. This pit bull served me well, mind you. I appreciate its fighting spirit at the start and also at various junctures of my life when I truly fought for survival.

It’s such a relief to realize I don’t need to fight for something I already have.

My life is mine. I made it. I am fine.

No longer do I seek something I didn’t get those first few weeks of life from people or organizations or even my profession.

Unpacking childhood trauma makes the baggage of life much lighter.

And that’s the Reader’s Digest version.

Dear readers, I feel so free! So unplugged from negative energy!

It’s such a release to have clarity about why I have felt certain things and responded so extremely to perceived threats all of my life.

Remarkably, I’m not so touchy anymore!

Those same people who bugged the #$%@ out of me? I now feel empathy for them; even love.

Everyone’s story is different. This happens to be mine. What I can say is that help is available. And I hope you, too, love yourself enough to head off your breakdown and head toward your own breakthrough.

Interestingly, I recorded this week’s message BEFORE my session with Sanna. I think you will see a different, more relaxed face in upcoming video messages. How prophetic the new Word of the Week turned out to be!

https://youtu.be/YpGgKZinVRw

If you’ve hit a wall, EXPLORE the why.

If you are intrigued by my visit with Sanna, she has graciously offered a free gift, “The Healing Heart” to any of you who reach out to her and mention my name, Brenda Viola.

To your breakthrough!

xoxoxoxo

Brenda

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You Do YOU (and I’ll Do Me)

You do a great job of being you.

You’ve got all of the qualifications, abilities, talents, and instincts to do you incredibly well.

In fact, no one can do you better than you.

Further, no one has a CLUE how to do or be you better than you.

So stick with your instincts.

In my youth, I so easily and willingly abdicated my free will to the will (and whims) of others. So hungry for approval and so unsure of how to make my way in this world, a mere suggestion would change my course.

These were not usually fatal or egregious turns in the road, but they did make life more like a crazy dotted line in a Family Circle cartoon.

The problem with so easily deferring? When you encounter toxic people who do not have your best interests at heart (only their own).

You end up silencing your beautiful intuition. Courses of action are chosen that actually hurt you on the inside. You decide that your own feelings must be liars, rendering you out of touch with your emotional guidance system.

How grateful I am for the day when I said, “Enough!”

The great thing about life is that the truth always rises to the top, even though sometimes it has to hit you over the head to wake you out of the fog.

You will always hear whispers that question your dreams and capabilities. Most times, these voices aren’t from the peanut gallery. They’re your worst, familiar fears rising up to choke your creativity and stop you in your tracks.

Don’t waste time and energy wrestling them to the ground.

Ignore them long enough and they’ll dissipate, just like the Wicked Witch of the West when splashed with water in the Wizard of Oz.

I know, the temptation is to dig deep and try and figure out what’s wrong with you.

There’s nothing wrong with you.

You are exactly right. You are perfect, as is. And you are more than enough for any task or wish your heart could hope for.

Now stop questioning yourself and get back to believing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEFyhtKPfYM&feature=youtu.be

Being free to be you – and me.

An honest life is a free one. And freedom is the fuel that can take you wherever you want to go in life.

You’re going places, baby. Don’t doubt it for a minute.

xoxoxox

Love,
Brenda

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The Power to Choose a Happy New Path

In 2019, I want happy to be my default feeling.

And happy feelings are always preceded by happy thoughts.

Why – especially at this time of year – do we milk the drama that is so readily available from sad songs (Blue Christmas, anyone?) or the lack of Christmas cards or presents under the tree?

Sadness, loneliness, depression, anxiety, fear…I spent way too many holidays (and every other days) letting these negative emotions dig a groove in my soul. Filling in those grooves with a new pattern of happy thoughts, positive feelings, good memories and believing the best about people (including myself) has been my mission in 2018.

Paving over the potholes in our soul takes effort, but it makes the road ahead less bumpy.

We have the power to not let our pasts dictate our futures. Let’s stop expending energy on what went wrong before and instead start charting a new course, built on a foundation of loving ourselves MORE.

One of my favorite teachers, Esther Hicks, talks about when she first started using a GPS to navigate road trips. They were on their way and her husband, Jerry, said, “You know…we’re going in the wrong direction.”
Esther said, “That’s not possible! I know I put everything in the GPS perfectly. Let’s go back to where we started and figure out where it went wrong.”

Jerry listened and gently replied, “Or we could just start going the right way starting from where we are.”

Oh! That makes sense.

Don’t spend time as this year ends bemoaning where you got off track or how far away you may be from where you want to be.

Start, right here, right now on the new path.

The happy path.

The path you deserve.

It’s a choice, and the power is OURS.

Final thoughts on power and the new Word of the Weeks (which is actually a Word for the Year) are right here:

https://youtu.be/fMtfXZVsKqk

Happy and merry thoughts and lots of love are coming your way. Thanks for taking the journey with me this year!

Love,
Brenda

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You Can’t Make Me Feel Bad

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in life is that you can’t make me feel bad.

You can’t make me feel inferior, rejected, unworthy, afraid, or anxious.

No, can’t even make me feel lonely, unattractive, ridiculous, stupid or out of touch.

You can’t make me feel…ANYTHING.

I  am (and you are) the gatekeeper to such feelings.

Now, when someone says, “Gee, you look a bit pudgy these days.  One too many donuts?” it wants to MAKE me feel bad.

Or when the voice in my head says, “Sheesh, you look every bit your age in that photo, Brenda” it WANTS to make me feel bad.

It knocks at the door of my soul and says, “Hey!  Here’s a familiar bad feeling.  Can I come in and sit for a spell?”

Because it is a familiar voice, there’s a temptation to acquiesce; to just let it in and steal the next few hours (or days) of joyful living.

But I (and you) don’t have to LET it escalate.

Stopping a bad thought before it ever takes root or gains momentum is a key to walking in STRENGTH (our Word of the Weeks).

This shifts full responsibility for how we feel onto US.  Yes, other people can be entirely crappy, but why assign them so much power?

Ah, the beautiful shift from giving a @#$%& what other people think of us to standing firm in who we know ourselves to be is powerful.

And freeing.

And fun!

Feeling GOOD is critically important.  It is a sign that I am linked up to pure, positive energy (God, Source, the Divine).

Feeling bad?

The devil didn’t make you do it.

YOU did it, but entertaining words and thoughts that should have been kicked to the curb.

Now did I just make you feel GUILTY???

Ha!  That was a trick question!

I can’t make you feel anything.

Now, when I tell you you’re beautiful and amazing and talented and smart, let it lift your heart.  Enjoy the encouragement that comes from those who love you.  That’s the icing – but YOU’RE the cake.

More on STRENGTH and the new WOW, coming right up!

 

WOW – such an appropriate word to follow STRENGTH!

Don’t fall for the lie that you can’t handle what is on your plate.  You can handle it, eat it, enjoy it, and throw that plate against the wall in triumph!

xooxoxox

Love,

Brenda

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Truly Living is Risky Business

It’s risky to put yourself out there and decide to truly live. The idea that we can live fearlessly is a misnomer.  The trick is how we respond to fear.

Fear can keep you on the edge of the diving board, never taking the leap.  It can paralyze you in a moment of opportunity that slips away while you deliberate.

I’ve been on that end of fear and that’s where most of my regrets reside.

Lately I’ve been viewing fear from the aspect of “feeling excited and ready.”

That nervous bubble in the pit of my stomach is simply a reminder that I’m alive.

That’s a good thing.

A few Saturday nights ago, Mark and I were invited to a going away party for a mutual friend. She was taking off to start a new life in Sweden with a new love she met on vacation a year ago.  At the party, she was surrounded by the love of friends and family.  People offered toasts and well wishes, and there was an unspoken acknowledgement among us that this was indeed a risky move.

A new country.

A new relationship.

No guarantees that this would be her happily ever after.

The flip side?

Not taking the leap could haunt her forever with the question, “What if?”

At the end of the night, the guest of honor took the floor to thank those of us in attendance, and she said something really beautiful.

“I know this is a risk.  But I know I am safe to take it because of all of you.”

See, there are no guarantees that risky business will pay off.  But when it doesn’t, knowing you have people who love you; you will offer you their spare bedroom or let you call them at 2 AM is the comfort that softens the potential blow.

Did any of you watch America’s Got Talent?  There was this amazing acrobatic couple, Duo Transcend.  They specialized in risky, jaw-dropping moves that were downright dangerous.  Her life was in his hands.  His life was in hers.  The love energy between the two of them was palpable, making their feats even more thrilling.

On their last performance before the final, she dropped him.

We gasped!

Then realized, this was part of the act.

Out of the sight line of the cameras was a soft landing place for him to fall.

We all have that same safety net beneath us.

Rarely are the risks we take matters of life and death.  Mostly, they’re a leap from where we are to where we want to be. And if we end up being wrong about our desired destination, we can always course correct.

Don’t be afraid to try for fear of failing.  Failure isn’t fatal; it’s simply a detour; a building block to success.

We can all look over our shoulder and recall things that didn’t go according to plan, but life still went on and ended up exactly as it ought.

Lessons learned. Conflicts created clarity of purpose. Contrast revealed what we really want and don’t want.

Our happily ever after isn’t an ending place; rather, it’s a continual unfolding as we create the life we dare to live.

And there it is:  Dare to live.

Go for it.  Be afraid and act anyway. Feel the pounding in your chest and take the leap.

Be alive.

There is an underpinning of love and well-being that surrounds you, not only in those who love you here on earth but also in the unseen spiritual forces commissioned to keep you safe and sound.

If you knew that you couldn’t fail, would you do it?

More thoughts on RISK, including how this very blog was birthed, and the new WOW, coming right up:

Is there something you’re holding on to that you need to release?

Just as you are safe to take a risk, you are also safe to LET GO.

Have a beautiful couple of weeks!

xoxoxox

Brenda

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Under the Influence Of…?

We are all under the influence of SOMETHING.

Back in the day, it was usually a nice red wine or a very naughty Grand Marnier.

Because my feelings were on lock-down, I had to numb them.

When I started to allow my feelings to rise to the surface (thanks to getting off of Zoloft and eliminating alcohol), those feelings made clear what was TRULY influencing me.

Good feelings? Happy thoughts? Joyful intentions and a positive outlook? That means I’m under the influence of Source/God/Spirit…however you choose to refer to the Divine.

Stressed? Anxious? Feeling insecure and inferior? Oh, I have just unplugged my connection and I am all caught up in what I can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch.

The senses are very compelling, but they are only PART of the story.

There is a meta (above) physical reality that is FAR more powerful that what my senses can discern.

It is in THAT universe where unlimited potential, lavish abundance and boatloads of  creativity and inspiration reside.

One of the most powerful realizations of this past year has been that Brenda and Source are ONE.  I don’t have to strive for a connection; it is not sever-able.

I don’t have to be good enough, or praise enough, or be holy enough to make myself attractive to God.

That’s the unconditional part of love where traditional religion goes off track.

Conservative Christianity’s view that a God that is love – and unconditional love at that – could damn a soul to “hell” always troubled me; yet I was so entrenched, it terrified me to consider otherwise.  I felt guilty reading Rob Bell’s book Love Wins, yet I couldn’t pull myself away from the sense it made.

This awakening was the first of many to follow…and just like playing whack-a-mole, as soon as I learn something new I learn there’s more to learn.

We’re all on our own, individual journeys. Some of you are further down the road than I, and maybe I’m down the pike from where you are…but the best part is it doesn’t matter.

Ha! Doesn’t it often turn out that when you think you’re ahead you’re really behind (and vice-versa?)

This isn’t a competition.  No one has the corner on the market of spirituality and everyone has a little piece of the truth.

I have found that the safest, most peaceful space to live in is where love truly wins.

In that space, everyone wins.

My closing thoughts on awakening and the new WOW, coming right up!

Well, hello possibilities!  What risks are YOU going to take this week?

(I’m rooting for you!)

xoxoxoxo

Brenda

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Memorial Days and Emotional Landmarks

Dates on the calendar can be such emotional triggers, can’t they?

Now that I FEEL my feelings rather than stuffing them into a dark crevice of my soul to be more easily ignored,  I “get gotten” regularly.

Instead of skipping along in merry oblivion, life and its memories stop me dead in my tracks and instead of plowing through, I stop.  And I feel those feelings, as messy and soppy as they may be.

A “memorial day” of sorts just passed; it would have been my 15th wedding anniversary.  I know, I’ve mentioned it before, but for an entire week I felt like I was walking through emotional quicksand.

Another is right around the corner: The one year anniversary of when I left.

Every memory can be weighed on a scale, balancing all of the reasons why and, alternately, why not.

Ask ten other people to view the same set of circumstances and their judgments rendered will run the gamut.  They bring their own biases and projections as they view the evidence, which is why I am not a fan of judging.

To one observer, we are heroines of our own stories.

In other versions, we are the villains.

Some days, I see myself as both.

Why?

Because I am well aware of my imperfections.  And I refuse to try to pretend that I am without fault  (though I became QUITE adept at pretending happiness and have since given that up for good.)

Someone recently chastised me  – not intending cruelty – but these words plucked at my heart:  “You could have done it differently.” (This was in reference to how I left my marriage.)

My reply?  Yes, perhaps I could.  But at the time, I couldn’t see any other way.

And maybe it WAS the only way.

None of us will ever know because it went down as it did and it can’t be undone.

Which leads me to another “memorial day.”

September 9th marks the day I finally let go of all of the trappings of pretension; looked my soul square in my heart and said, “I love you.”

Yep, I am aware of all of my stuff – the good, the bad, and the ugly.

And I love you.

I forgive you.

Now let’s get on with this thing called life and start feeling again, start living again, and let love start winning.

Our word these past two weeks has been flexibility, and sometimes it is painful to dislodge from our fixed position of how we see things.  Or to entertain someone else’s view of the choices made.

I can see your point of view. Perhaps it could have been done differently.

These close encounters of the heart are all part of the bumps and bruises of life.  From my current vantage point, I believe a life unmarred by such wounds reflects a life not fully lived.

I could have died, long before my physical death, by not rocking the boat.  And I could have existed the rest of my days without really living, only to get to the end of it all and find I missed the point.

May I always be flexible enough to admit when I’m wrong.  To leave – anything – when it is time to move on.  To own up and apologize, but most of all and always, to forgive. Everyone.  And especially, me.

After all, I’m the ONE person I’m definitely stuck with for the rest of my life.  So I might as well make it a love affair!

And I hope you will, too.

On a lighter note, some less profound matters can easily make us anguished, irritable, emotional, and altogether flummoxed.  I talk about them in these closing thoughts on FLEXIBILITY (and ushering in a new WOW):

Ah, finding joy in the right here, right now.

Wishing you all boatloads of contentment these coming two weeks!

(And Happy Memorial Day Weekend.)

xoxoxoxo

Brenda

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Knocked Down (But Willing to Get Up!)

There are a few songs that bring out the fight in me when I’m feeling down.

The theme from Rocky always does it for me. Bill Conti’s horns always make we want to jump up and down on the couch with my arms raised in the victory pose.

Then there’s that “I get knocked down, but I get up again” song by Chumbawamba.  Its actual title is Tubthumping, but I never understood that (or most of the other words.) However, that fighter’s chorus just gets my blood thumping. (Or rather, “tubthumping?)

Our Word of the Week was WILLINGNESS and the truth is, sometimes I get knocked down and I DO NOT WANT to get up again.

I want to slink into the bedroom with a vat of pistachio gelato, curl under the covers and hibernate for at least a few days.  No phone calls; no texts:  I “vant to be alone” in full-on Greta Garbo mode.

That’s how I felt when I lost the final round of my Toastmaster’s Humorous Speech competition last fall.  I had won the club, area, and district competitions and gave what I felt was my best-ever performance at the BIG finale.

And I didn’t even place.

I smiled through the excruciatingly long awards ceremony, wanting to appear to be the good sport that I hoped I would be.

But I was mad.  And I felt robbed.

I swore I would never grace another Toastmasters’ speech competition with my presence and even considered quitting the organization altogether.

No, I am not 9 years old, but I was acting as if.

When the dust settled, I remembered why I got involved with Toastmasters in the first place.  I wanted to compete and perfect my craft; I wanted feedback and a track to run on to pursue my dreams.

When you feel like quitting, friends, go back to your “Why?”  

Your why is the fuel that will take your legs up to the top of the Art Museum.

Your why makes you willing to try again.

As I write this, I am preparing for a Saturday competition in which I will deliver “How To Fertilize Your Life” – the speech I wrote about a few weeks ago.

Yes, I want to win.  But more than that – I want to inspire the crowd assembling at the Gulf Gate Library on a Saturday afternoon.  I want to give them something to take with them that will encourage them to kiss their spouses, say thank you to a co-worker or compliment a stranger.

Oh, and yes, I want to win.

My dream is HUGE.  I want to be the Toastmasters International Public Speaking Champion.  Which means, if I am fortunate enough to win at Gulf Gate this Saturday, I’ve got several layers of the candy cane forest to travel through to get to my destination.

One step at a time, right?

Here’s the thing: We all get hurt.  Some wounds are minor bumps and bruises, like losing a speech competition.

Some are more profound, like finding out a church was really a cult and saying, “I’ll never darken the door of another church again.”

My nevers, however, are usually wrapped up in fear. Today I find myself attending a sweet little Center of Light with Mark every Sunday morning and finding joy in the ritual of a spiritual community.

Willingness is not only a trademark of resilience but also of saying YES to life itself.

Let’s not let our failed marriages keep us from being open to love.

Let us try yet again when we fall flat on our faces…

…and not let the past dictate our futures.

We so often wall ourselves up to protect from future disappointments, but then I remember that with every disappointment has come loving comfort by friends who have wooed me back to health. And whattya know, I’m up again and back in the fight.

More on willingness here…and I’ll keep you posted on Facebook about the competition!

Hefty doses of self-acceptance to all of us (no matter HOW the judges rule.)

xoxoxoxox

Brenda

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Thoughts About Thoughts (and the New WOW)

Not all thoughts deserve to be vocalized.

There are some ideas that burn in your brain and demand to be voiced.  In my experience, I’ve found that those are usually the ones better left unsaid.

A passionate pounding attached to a thought is an indicator that I need to sit on it for a while, until it is less energized by the heat of the moment.

Sometimes, those thoughts eventually diminish in power and disappear all together.

Others STEW to a simmer, and you can’t shake them like sticky tape.

One of the best ways to dislodge nagging thoughts is to expose them.  

Sometimes, I talk to myself and that helps.

Other times, I expose those murky thoughts to a trusted friend and in simply speaking them out, their power is reduced to a manageable status.

Then there are times when the thoughts just won’t exit, and a conversation must be had with someone about whom you are HAVING those thoughts.

Yuck.

I love encouraging people, talking up the good, speaking life into situations, coaching to dislodge negativity.

But I HATE sticky conversations that could result in:

  • Anger
  • Rejection
  • Defensiveness
  • And raiding the refrigerator to assuage the angst of the confrontation.

Since this past week’s word has been COMMUNICATION, wouldn’t you know it, I’ve had to have some tough conversations.

I went through my process, first talking to myself.  Then talking to not one, not two, but three trusted friends.  During this time, I backed off from the person about whom I was having the thoughts to “clear my mind.”  But the backing off in itself was also communicating.

Actions really do speak louder than words, and silence can be deafening.

What could have been “nipped in bud” three days sooner with a candid (but loving) conversation, was made needlessly bigger by my ghosting of the person.

Yep, the four-letter monster of FEAR crept in, I allowed it to shut me down, and in doing so,  my thoughts became further jumbled.  When they finally came out (not in graceful, flowing words), it was like verbal diarrhea.

The good news is that COMMUNICATION (in this instance) was two-way.  And the recipient was full of love, not fear.

That meant I was responded to with patience, kindness, thinking no evil and taking no account of a suffered wrong.  Thank God for a person who lives by the four agreements!  (They don’t take things personally.)

It’s not your perfect communication that is effective in life, though sometimes it’s a catalyst for great good.  No, sometimes it is your jumbled up blapping, met with love, that reveals what is most important in life.

Which always turns out to be…LOVE.

My closing thoughts on COMMUNICATION and a quite appropriate new WOW to take us through the next two weeks:

Hang in there!  We’re ALL waiting for something.  May we have extra doses of patience to wait with JOY and not angst.

Much love (and as my friend Denny always used to say):  Love much.

xoxoxoxox

Brenda

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To Be Clear Means to Flow (and the New WOW)

Sometimes the next step seems as clear as mud.

I’ve been considering the ebb and flow of life and how clarity comes in moments built upon moments.  And the preceding moments aren’t often pretty.

Confusion, dismay, disappointment, regret, angst – in the muddy periods when it’s a dog eat dog world and you’re wearing Milkbone underwear (thank you, Cheers, for one of the best TV show lines of all time), it can feel like nothing will EVER change.

You trudge along, sticking to the glue-like mud.  The rain pours down and so do the tears.  You catch a glimpse of your longed-for destination way down the road and wonder if you’ll ever get there.

But you keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Or at least stepping up and down so as not to sink into the quagmire. Because you’re no quitter, and even in your dark spaces, there’s a glimmer of hope that says, “You’re gonna make it.”

Yep.  You’re gonna make it.

You know why?

Because love never fails, and you are dearly loved.

Oh, you may not feel so much like it right now, with your snotty nose and tear-stained cheeks and really bad hair day.

But you are dearly loved.

Love surrounds you.  And as long as you keep voting with love (and not its evil arch-enemy, fear), the clouds are going to part.  The sun will break through.

You’ll realize your destination is closer than you ever imagined as you dejectedly trudged through the mud.

When I made my desperate move in June 2017, I had 48 hours to find a place to live, hire movers, get an attorney and set up a new life.

There was a narrow path, but it was clear, and I took it.

So often, after you make your grand move, it’s like all the grace and space collapses and suddenly, you wonder, “What am I DOING?”

Will I make it?  Will I crumble?

A bold move is often followed up with a swift kick in the gut.

Don’t take your cue from the kick.

There were days when I howled crying from loneliness and anxiety.  I missed my beautiful house.  I missed my lovely little Shasta.  I missed and mourned for the love I once had shared with my husband.

I questioned my sanity.

But the passage of time did some miraculous things.  It caused me to fall to my knees and ask the questions of a lifetime…questions borne of a desperate desire to NOT replicate the mistakes that brought me to this place.

The hard questions ushered in answers that spring-boarded me to a new way of looking at life…and a new capacity to attract good because finally, I WAS good.

I say all of this to say, “Hang in there.”  Clarity WILL come.  Keep slogging away.  When the clouds part, your path will become clear – and you’ll be ready for that step because of the valuable life lessons learned in the quagmire.

More on that, and a new WOW, coming right up!

Oh, to be a bigger person.  I look forward to giving everyone a big break – including myself – in the coming two weeks.

Much love to you all!
xoxoxox

Brenda

 

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