Tag Archives: Decisions

Memorial Days and Emotional Landmarks

Dates on the calendar can be such emotional triggers, can’t they?

Now that I FEEL my feelings rather than stuffing them into a dark crevice of my soul to be more easily ignored,  I “get gotten” regularly.

Instead of skipping along in merry oblivion, life and its memories stop me dead in my tracks and instead of plowing through, I stop.  And I feel those feelings, as messy and soppy as they may be.

A “memorial day” of sorts just passed; it would have been my 15th wedding anniversary.  I know, I’ve mentioned it before, but for an entire week I felt like I was walking through emotional quicksand.

Another is right around the corner: The one year anniversary of when I left.

Every memory can be weighed on a scale, balancing all of the reasons why and, alternately, why not.

Ask ten other people to view the same set of circumstances and their judgments rendered will run the gamut.  They bring their own biases and projections as they view the evidence, which is why I am not a fan of judging.

To one observer, we are heroines of our own stories.

In other versions, we are the villains.

Some days, I see myself as both.

Why?

Because I am well aware of my imperfections.  And I refuse to try to pretend that I am without fault  (though I became QUITE adept at pretending happiness and have since given that up for good.)

Someone recently chastised me  – not intending cruelty – but these words plucked at my heart:  “You could have done it differently.” (This was in reference to how I left my marriage.)

My reply?  Yes, perhaps I could.  But at the time, I couldn’t see any other way.

And maybe it WAS the only way.

None of us will ever know because it went down as it did and it can’t be undone.

Which leads me to another “memorial day.”

September 9th marks the day I finally let go of all of the trappings of pretension; looked my soul square in my heart and said, “I love you.”

Yep, I am aware of all of my stuff – the good, the bad, and the ugly.

And I love you.

I forgive you.

Now let’s get on with this thing called life and start feeling again, start living again, and let love start winning.

Our word these past two weeks has been flexibility, and sometimes it is painful to dislodge from our fixed position of how we see things.  Or to entertain someone else’s view of the choices made.

I can see your point of view. Perhaps it could have been done differently.

These close encounters of the heart are all part of the bumps and bruises of life.  From my current vantage point, I believe a life unmarred by such wounds reflects a life not fully lived.

I could have died, long before my physical death, by not rocking the boat.  And I could have existed the rest of my days without really living, only to get to the end of it all and find I missed the point.

May I always be flexible enough to admit when I’m wrong.  To leave – anything – when it is time to move on.  To own up and apologize, but most of all and always, to forgive. Everyone.  And especially, me.

After all, I’m the ONE person I’m definitely stuck with for the rest of my life.  So I might as well make it a love affair!

And I hope you will, too.

On a lighter note, some less profound matters can easily make us anguished, irritable, emotional, and altogether flummoxed.  I talk about them in these closing thoughts on FLEXIBILITY (and ushering in a new WOW):

Ah, finding joy in the right here, right now.

Wishing you all boatloads of contentment these coming two weeks!

(And Happy Memorial Day Weekend.)

xoxoxoxo

Brenda

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Risk and the Flow of Life (and the New WOW)

This week I pondered the flow of life.

Sometimes it is a gentle canoe ride on a placid lake.

Other times it seems you’re attempting to surf a tsunami.

This video cracks me up, perfectly characterizing my life these last couple of weeks:

Leaked footage of me going with the flow

Just gotta roll with it

Posted by Viral Thread on Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Life is replete with rather dull moments; the comfortable hum-drum of morning coffee, work, gym, food –  rinse and repeat.

Suddenly, epic moments arise when a portal opens in the universe. You can either muster up the courage to walk through or stand by, indecisively…and watch the window of opportunity close.

These moments are not so gentle, yet are still a part of the flow of life.

So how do you know if you should go with the flow and take the risk?

There’s an uncanny peace to the flow of life.

You’re not trying to make it happen; you aren’t freaked out or driven by it; yes, there are butterflies associated with the risk, but they are not born of desperation.

There is a quiet knowing within you that urges you forward.

Someday soon I will share what is happening in my own life; it’s still too fresh and raw to comment on because it doesn’t just involve me and I respect the privacy of those who are also involved.

But I liken it to the parting of the Red Sea.

It has been said that the waters didn’t part for Moses and the children of Israel to walk through until Moses took that first step of faith into the water.

The flow of life and the promise of his God was that he would lead the children of Israel into the promised land. He didn’t know how they would cross that sea, but he knew deep inside that the One who had promised would make a way.

So, risky as it was, he took that first step.

Swoosh! (Have you ever seen the movie that shows how the sea divided into water walls on the left and right?  Powerful stuff.)

I wonder if some of the crew marveled at this wonder but said, “No way.  I’m not walking through that!”

And who could blame them?

On the other hand, Pharaoh was checking out Moses and those who fled with a huge, “How DARE they!”

They dared, because they knew a better life awaited them – and the risk to remain was more painful than the risk to go.

Going with the flow of life is an act of obedience.  It’s a decision to stop trying to shove a square peg in a round hole.

And it is entirely personal.

What is unconscionable to you may be someone else’s passport to freedom.

Judge not, lest you be judged.

If you can imagine your life happy WITHOUT going for it, don’t.

If you can only imagine yourself tormented by “What ifs” if you don’t take that step, please, take the path of peace and that first step.  Watch the waters miraculously part.

Here’s my pre-recorded recollection of a professional risk that landed me in the emergency room and the new Word of the Week:

I sent this card recently to some key people:

There’s nothing like the people who rise up and support you when you need it most.  Let love in this week – and if tempted to judge, consider that supporting a friend doesn’t have to mean you agree with them.

Love is the constant.

xoxoxoxox

Brenda

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