When we are hard on ourselves, is it because we think going soft lets us off the hook too easily? Do we brutally hold ourselves accountable to validate our goodness?
We’re not parking cars, here. We need no validation.
We must be kinder. To ourselves.
There are plenty of critics, naysayers, judges, and frenemies who won’t hesitate to point out our shortcomings or pounce on even an unintended slight.
Let’s not join their chorus. Life is already kinda hard.
At a recent (virtual) workshop, I began teaching on one of my favorite chapters in The Public Servants’ Survival Guide. All about how perfectionism is our foe and that yes, we are flawed, but we are awesome.
We’re flawsome – and should embrace our flawsomeness!
I felt the audience’s eye-rolling and inner protestations even though I was the only one on camera. Which stoked a little fire and brimstone message from this normally perky uplifter.
Some of you talk to yourselves like you wouldn’t talk to your worst enemy! Your inner voice is MEAN!
If those thoughts you allow yourself to think about you evoke tears or despair, here’s one thing I know for sure: You’re NOT voting with your inner being. You’re letting your human being win.
Now, your human being can be kinda fun. It can be bought new shoes or bake in the sun. It loves a good, dense cheesecake and a rich rerun of Empire. But in the deep and spiritual matters of life, it’s a bust. Your human being is easily cranky from lack of sleep or traffic or that intermittent fasting you’re trying 16 hours out of each day.
The struggle is real for your human being.
But your inner being? It’s ALWAYS love. Loving you and others is its constant state. It bears all things, believes and hopes and is constantly rooting for well-being, which is your natural state,
To often we vote with the unnatural states of confusion, frustration, self-degradation, and other lesser feelings.
When I reflect on the times when I raked myself over the coals for a mistake made, it NEVER made things better. My self-inflicted suffering didn’t change what was wrong, it just made me feel worse. No amount of tears, nausea, or sleeplessness could change my screw up.
Several come to mind. Like not proofreading a calendar project well enough and going to press with two August 13ths. Or slinging a sharp retort to an undeserving and kind partner. Oh, the pain of words spoken that should rather have been swallowed!
We all miss the boat. But must we drown ourselves to prove our sincerity?
Unfortunately, unless you choose to truly become a student of feeling good who believes well-being is everpresent, voting with your inner-being feels like hard work.
Until it becomes a habit.
Then, thinking kindly toward yourself and others is the happy flow of life. It is the path of ease and least resistance. And when you live there, life is easier (and you’re definitely not so hard on yourself.)
Screwed up? Join the club.
No one came forth for a perfect ride, but to enjoy it – bumps and all.
Stop making a mountain out of that molehill. Feeling terrible doesn’t help anyone, least of all yourself.
You don’t need to prove your sincerity or good heart to anyone.
And it’s beautiful.
Now start acting like you love yourself. Or even better, get to that most-important business in this life journey and really fall in love…with YOU.
More on that right here!
Yep – it’s our responsibility to own how we feel and what we’re thinking.
As the CEO of our own lives, let’s commit to feeling good again!