Tag Archives: Arguments

Hard or Soft? The Choice is Ours

When TRUST has been broken, how do we avoid becoming hard and bitter?

I came face to face with this question this week as I suffered a disappointment regarding a new friendship.

Full disclosure, my friend was equally disappointed in me.

Two sides, neither willing to yield.

My stubbornness? Born of a newfound desire to not abdicate what I deem precious to make others’ comfortable.  To value my soul enough to give it voice and not dismiss my feelings is THE point of my current journey.

Perhaps as I find the balance and rhythm of my new life, I will be more willing to yield, but for now, it is critical that I not.

Here’s why: Because I know that in yielding that first important thing  can come a slippery slope of acquiescence; the path to losing myself again.

I refuse to.

And in my friend’s unwillingness to give my refusal space, there came a parting of the ways.

Here’s the kicker:  I have written about my carefulness to engage in new friendships.  When you have quality, beautiful people already in your life and you’re not needy, you have the luxury of being more discriminating about those whom you choose to spend time.

This person had checked off all the boxes that were important to me:  Depth, kindness, spirituality, humor, self-awareness…and I let them in.

Then, the great impasse.  The argument with no resolve.  The parting of the ways.

One side of me says, “Why even bother?  Who NEEDS this?!”

The other side knows that in each encounter are lessons to be learned.

That in the decision to “Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin'” comes the promise of disappointment,  hope, pain, joy – the entire kaleidoscope of feelings.

I’d rather live and feel…even if the feelings are sad for a season.

So back to the question, “How do you avoid becoming HARD?”

The freshness of the disappointment was wrapped in a sense of innocence lost.  Could I ever be so willing and open with someone new?  Had I lost my capacity to try again? Would I become hard – or stay soft?

The answer sank into my heart and was a soothing balm to my soul:

“You stay soft when you put your trust in God, not in people.”

If I put my trust in people, I will always be disappointed.  Because they are human!  They are as flawed as I am.  But to accept that the Universe is unfolding exactly as it ought; that some relationships are just for a season and that there are rich lessons to be gleaned from each one?  That comforts  me enough to put myself out there again.  And again.

Then I hear the words to Kesha’s song “Rainbow”: “What’s left of my heart’s still made of gold…”

But in the dark, I realized this life is short
And deep down, I’m still a child
Playful eyes, wide and wild
I can’t lose hope, what’s left of my heart’s still made of gold

You’ll find a rainbow, rainbow, baby
Trust me, I know life is scary
But just put those colors on, girl
Come and play along with me tonight
You gotta learn to let go, put the past behind you
Trust me, I know, the ghosts will try to find you
But just put those colors on, girl
Come and paint the world with me tonight.

You can hear it here:

The rainbow was God’s promise that he would never send another flood that would destroy the world.  Yes, there are floods…but they will not destroy you.

Keep living, my friends.  Take the hits – and stay soft.  What’s left of your heart’s still made of gold.

And now, my video take on the word TRUST and a new Word of the Week:

https://youtu.be/JrN1kMJoUns

Hmmmm….Sister/Brotherhood was a call to stop being lone rangers in life.  And now SUPPORT?

When we feel overwhelmed this week, let’s continue to reach out and get the support we need.  (Or, when we see a need, let’s jump in and be a support!)

Have a beautiful week –

Brenda

 

 

 

 

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Rest In Peace is Not Just for Dead People (& the New WOW)

Do you find yourself walking on eggshells to keep the peace?

Or maybe you’re more inclined to smash someone over the head with a frying pan?

We all have our own unique ways of dealing with internal and external turmoil. My methods change depending on the time of the month, the moon and tides, and whether I’m hungry or tired.

Should the target or source of the turmoil choose to foolishly point OUT that perhaps my demeanor is related to said time of the month, the tension rises exponentially.

Moving on from the “time of the month” to this time of the year…

In these highly charged political times, half of the country has promised to leave if one candidate wins.

The other half will leave if the OTHER wins.

My bet is that no one will really leave.  But the acrimony and the vitriol will likely continue because there will always be some people who think if they talk more and louder, they’ll change someone else’s mind.

I’ve observed that people rarely change their mind when they’re being yelled at.

When I was a teenager, being told I was wrong only made me dig my Candie pumps in deeper just to prove them wrong.

*sigh*

No one knows who I am voting for, and I plan on keeping it that way.  Not because I’m afraid of a good, spirited discourse – but because I love harmony.

I totally respect your opinion!  What I don’t like (or respect) is that so often opinions are offered in crass or insulting manners. On both sides!

As we end our week focusing on harmony, I loved finding this:

Rest in peace

Thus the offbeat subject line for today’s e-mail.  How sad to wait until we’re dead to rest in peace!

I know, sometimes life really is upsetting.  But maybe this week’s WOW will help:

Yes, construction zones are MESSY. But keeping the vision of the end goal in sight can fuel your engine.

Trusting that you’ll get there will help you get through.

My face will stop flaking, too.

oxoxoxox

Brenda

 

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