Tag Archives: Approval

Living It ‘Til You’re Learning It

I’m learning that some lessons are like Groundhog’s Day.  They don’t go away until they’ve done their work.

Have you hit your head against a familiar wall, time and time again?

Maybe it’s to stand up for yourself; embrace conflict and be assertive.

Perhaps your Achilles heel is to stop falling for the bad boys just because the chemistry rings your bell.

Or learning to say “No” to extra duties when your plate is completely full.

My Groundhog Day lesson? It always comes back to self-worth, ego, and the motivation for why I do what I do and want what I want.

Oh, my journey to Costa Rica settled many deep-rooted issues related to loving myself. There was no turning back from what was a uniquely healing experience. But, as life would have it, there are LAYERS of healing; layers of release; layers of understanding and, as was our Word of the Weeks, WISDOM.

When you feel less than, you have to produce MORE than.

Simple doesn’t cut it. Grand is required; success has to be super-sized.

Yes, I am a believer in abundance and that there’s plenty to go around, so yes, get me some! But lately there has been a shift to ask myself, “Why?”

Am I still trying to prove something to myself?

Or am I still that child seeking to finally win approval through my amazing performance?

Ugh.  THAT performance word again.

Well, I’m letting it rise up and smack me (gently) in the head and heart, because sometimes things have to come up again and around another way before you get the richness of release.

Here’s what I do know: I am trying too hard when I’m stressed.

Some of the best gifts of my life had nothing to do with how hard I worked to make them happen.

I want more of THAT.

And, side note to myself (and to you, too, if it helps): Everything doesn’t have to happen TOMORROW.

I tend to feel quite sensitive to the passage of time, and find myself urgently attempting to fit everything in before I die.

Which is a lousy way to live. Today. In the now.

Because today is the only today you get.

So I’m thinking it is wise to walk away from the desperation of stress-fueled achievement (and taking a nice LONG weekend to visit my friend Anita in Jacksonville just to wiggle my toes in the sand and accomplish NOTHING for the next few days.)

Happy Labor Day weekend, everyone!

More thoughts on WISDOM, and a brand new Word of the Weeks (WOW):

May none of our AWAKENINGS be rude ones…instead, may we sense the gentle nudge of SPIRIT and see with new eyes and a wide open heart.

Love to you all!

Brenda

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I Vant to Be Alone! (and the New WOW)

Did you ever want to run away and just be alone?

It’s no one’s fault (although I sometimes try to place blame), but every now and again I have this urge to pack a bag, disappear, and not be heard from for about a month.

In my fantasies, my place of escape is a little apartment over top of a restaurant or other storefront above the cobbled streets of Sorrento, Italy.  No one would know me and I could do my favorite thing – wander – with no expectations or obligations to fulfill.  Deadlines, be gone! Projects, phooey!

Imagine the thrill of no guilt for falling short, running late; no need to procrastinate and no one clamoring for my attention.  

(Yes, Shasta – I’m talking about YOU.  And your Daddy.)

Aaaaahhh, the beautiful respite of PEACE (our Word of the Week) and quiet.

I do like my own company. And I don’t usually annoy myself.

There’s a reason why those old “Calgon, take me away…” commercials resonated with an entire generation of women.

Still, I know in my heart of hearts that true peace is not circumstantial – and you don’t have to sequester yourself to enjoy it.

The culprits of my unease this past week could all be tied to ruminating…obsessing…overthinking – and trying to control things (and people) beyond my control.

As the captain of my ship, only I could “right” it.

It didn’t happen instantaneously.  It started with soul-sucking depression.

Then I remembered:  Anxiety in the heart causes depression.  I did a little digging and found this, “Aha!”:

Yes, that is my familiar flaw – falling into the performance trap.  Wanting everyone to love me and approve of me.

Can you relate?

It was like having a spiritual cold.  All I wanted to do was stay in bed and eat carbohydrates.  And on a week where PEACE should win!

The good news is, I am no longer comfortable sustaining soul-ish lows.  Formerly my comfort zone, I kicked that way of life to the curb many years ago.

I simply refuse to waste this life being anything other than full of enthusiasm and expectancy.

So I made a decision, which didn’t miraculously change the way I felt.

I followed up on that decision with actions and simply kept doing what I knew to do to jump start my heart and get me back to peace and joy: Exercise. Evicting negative thoughts. Talking to wise and spiritual people. Eating healthy food. Forcing myself to smile. Counting my blessings.

Until I felt like me again.

No, peace shouldn’t be circumstantial, but unless we can run away to Sorrento and script other peoples’ responses to us, the circumstances sometimes do rob us of that peaceful, easy feeling.

That’s normal.

But thank God, my new normal isn’t STAYING there.

As my heart’s love tank slowly begins to re-fill, I’m looking forward to the new Word of the Week, too!:

Well there we go!

Permission to get our hopes up!

Have a beautiful week, everyone – full of EXPECTING good things.

xoxoxoxo

Brenda

 

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