Did you ever want to run away and just be alone?
It’s no one’s fault (although I sometimes try to place blame), but every now and again I have this urge to pack a bag, disappear, and not be heard from for about a month.
In my fantasies, my place of escape is a little apartment over top of a restaurant or other storefront above the cobbled streets of Sorrento, Italy. No one would know me and I could do my favorite thing – wander – with no expectations or obligations to fulfill. Deadlines, be gone! Projects, phooey!
Imagine the thrill of no guilt for falling short, running late; no need to procrastinate and no one clamoring for my attention.
(Yes, Shasta – I’m talking about YOU. And your Daddy.)
Aaaaahhh, the beautiful respite of PEACE (our Word of the Week) and quiet.
I do like my own company. And I don’t usually annoy myself.
There’s a reason why those old “Calgon, take me away…” commercials resonated with an entire generation of women.
Still, I know in my heart of hearts that true peace is not circumstantial – and you don’t have to sequester yourself to enjoy it.
The culprits of my unease this past week could all be tied to ruminating…obsessing…overthinking – and trying to control things (and people) beyond my control.
As the captain of my ship, only I could “right” it.
It didn’t happen instantaneously. It started with soul-sucking depression.
Then I remembered: Anxiety in the heart causes depression. I did a little digging and found this, “Aha!”:
Yes, that is my familiar flaw – falling into the performance trap. Wanting everyone to love me and approve of me.
Can you relate?
It was like having a spiritual cold. All I wanted to do was stay in bed and eat carbohydrates. And on a week where PEACE should win!
The good news is, I am no longer comfortable sustaining soul-ish lows. Formerly my comfort zone, I kicked that way of life to the curb many years ago.
I simply refuse to waste this life being anything other than full of enthusiasm and expectancy.
So I made a decision, which didn’t miraculously change the way I felt.
I followed up on that decision with actions and simply kept doing what I knew to do to jump start my heart and get me back to peace and joy: Exercise. Evicting negative thoughts. Talking to wise and spiritual people. Eating healthy food. Forcing myself to smile. Counting my blessings.
Until I felt like me again.
No, peace shouldn’t be circumstantial, but unless we can run away to Sorrento and script other peoples’ responses to us, the circumstances sometimes do rob us of that peaceful, easy feeling.
But thank God, my new normal isn’t STAYING there.
As my heart’s love tank slowly begins to re-fill, I’m looking forward to the new Word of the Week, too!:
Well there we go!
Permission to get our hopes up!
Have a beautiful week, everyone – full of EXPECTING good things.